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Fear/lessness

Beige. That’s the color I’m seeing. You are not anxious. You are full on terrorized. You have no middle ground— If you speak and don’t get it exactly right the blowback will be fast, and from every angle. Decide where you want to belong. Forge your path there. People terrify me. And I’m not saying I want you to be afraid— I want you to give each fear it’s own sterile place. brutally, surgically remove the cancer, use radiation, –whatever you need— then leave it. Once you aren’t thundering from

Before I ever dreamed of not pleasing my father (and this was before his hair turned gray, although he tells it otherwise) I filled hours imagining the ways I was better, superior to my sisters, mother, all others who could not dream the way I dreamed of being Daddy’s favorite –the golden child The Unmarred, The Worthy. I am none of those kinds of child I am no longer child, golden, unmarred or otherwise. I have, with great reluctance, accepted my position of adult, mother, Woman. My dreams now revolve

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