This post was written almost a year ago and never published. At the time, I was working to come to grips with expectation versus reality when it came to my recovery from surgeries and illness and what that meant for my body and the way I see myself. I never published it because I wrote several pieces around this issue, the strongest of them being “Female Seeks Power” which was published on Open Thought Vortex Magazine. This piece is much more interior and is true for me today as I work

I will be revisiting older content through the New Year as I focus on the two personal projects I have excitedly undertaken. It’s fun having secrets. These projects aren’t huge. One really is a basic step I should have already taken but never prioritized.  The other is an endeavor I’ve been excited to implement on my own–at least this aspect of it. It is important for me to work independently periodically, especially since most of my work is completed with and for others. In a way, Project 2 is a relief project I

Today, Open Thought Vortex Magazine published a piece in which I come forward about an assault I’ve never publicly shared. I chose to do this there for a number of reasons. One is that OTV is dedicated to elevating voices and conversations which have primarily come to include issues of survival. The other is a history of trust and love. While I may have left my editorial position at OTV, it still has a place in my heart. It was such a privilege to be invited to support OTV. Watching it grow

The morning chill hasn’t been enough to quell the heat of anxiety as it blooms in my belly upon waking. I fight dread off my chest and scrape myself off the bed as worry turns itself up. I have worked hard daily not to listen to fearful thoughts. Attention feeds them and then they grow. But today I found getting up easier even though the chatter was already present and rising. I got up feeling safe in myself, so I listened. It’s not easy to separate the threads of fear, and

Wednesday morning, my boys asked the result of the election and began assembling a nuclear fallout kit. We couldn’t catch them. They tore through the house gathering canned foods and Nerf guns, certain this election spelled doom. “Will they know I’m of color?” my eldest asked me not long ago. I cried over the question. He was talking about the police, a group he is likely to run in with as he grows due to his neurology. “High functioning” is code for “normal-looking” when it comes to Autism. The term

Oh, America. I have loved you from birth but today you have let me down. Me and countless others who look to you for safety, freedom and progress. I woke up wondering if I had slipped into an alternate reality. I wish I had so I could claw my way back to safe purchase. I have never been so disappointed than to wake up and learn that fear has won. I had such hope. Now I have anger and sadness, a bitter mix. What will become of us? I can

Read Journey to Next World, the first leg of this story, here. Topside, the world looks bigger because our minds are smaller. If there’s one thing I’ve learned from life underground, it’s that perspective is everything. Beelzebub and I started this journey into the earth on the breath of a dream. My dream. One that haunted my sleep night after night until I followed Bub to the soft soil where we dug up the door to Next World. When I saw my handprint on the door–knew I was the key–I

Your heart got stronger because it had to beat through the scars. Wound after wound and you hardened it to keep it safe but the heart naturally wants to be soft, so it threw off the lies you said were protection spells, crashing against those walls until they tumbled. You went down with them. It didn’t feel like it, but you were free. Now you are stumbling along a path that seems too bright. Stop squinting. You are closing your eyes against hope and what comes next now that your

Intentional coach, writer and speaker Alexis Donkin has been a profound resource in my personal healing. Our relationship began over a year ago when we connected over writing and shared interests. I read her memoir, Thrive, and found myself in her story. I was inspired by her practical approach to transforming odds into evens, so to speak. She has a rounding off outlook on life that is effected through the realization and reframing of negatives into positive growth points. I had the pleasure of a face-to-face chat with her via

I had to lift my roots to make it through the wounded passage cried warning for the heart far too late, I’d seen beyond veins humming electric into the ravine below where I swam as a minnow in the fluid of my own desire never told me this was possible this my truth non-option I thought to climb realized I’d always been climbing an endless mountain downward thinking I rose righteous churning butter from the cream of denial please touch my ear when you whisper with those painted lips  

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