I had reason to search for paper. I went looking for clean, lined sheets. In my room, there stands a bookcase filled from the top down with materials related to my life as a writer. The top shelf holds my collection of self-help books, words of wisdom for growing my creative mind and maturing my writerly process. The middle holds the journals I filled with poetry beginning at age six. Then there are foreign language books–German, Arabic and Spanish, because they stimulate my desire to learn more. To continue growing

My friend hit the nail on the head when she said sensed birthing in progress. I am being reborn in many areas of life. Following a physical rebirth that I will write more about another time, I had the intense sensation of gaining control. In reality, I have let go of control and begun accepting, and I will write more about that another time as well. This post is happening for a different reason.  Without further ado, there is a creative birthing happening outside this blog. I’m happy to announce one

If you are a reader of Sheila’s Writes a Memoir, I apologize. I’ve taken her memoir down so that I can begin writing the pieces of my own life. Sheila was a great help to me when I first considered writing about my own abuse. She was a separate person with a parallel experience of abuse and sexualization. I could write her story much more safely than my own. Fiction is a wonderful buffer for the exquisitely painful reality of one’s own truth. I am grateful to those of you

Dinner was a shocking success. No tears over spills or claims that you are the worst mom ever because you prepared something nasty. That they would vomit right there if they had to take even one eensy bite. No. They swarmed the table like locusts, eating everything and asking for more. And when it was done, truly done, the serving dishes bare, they sprang from the table and pattered away like a sudden Summer rain. You sit alone. There are only the remnants on plates: small bits of rice and

Some stories are harder to write than others. Fiction offers a buffer, a safe distance from reality, even when the story lines are harsh or graphic. Life is visceral. I prefer my pretty fictions. Some stories are harder to hear than others, even though we are human in our curiosity. In our inability to look away. I have a true story. It is my creation. Not my birth, but the components of my life that make me who I am. I have wanted to tell it for years. I wanted

Most of my work ends up frozen forever in the limbo just before the final draft. I never seem to take that step of polishing a piece until it shines, all its complications in place for the reader’s pleasure. I have a fear of commitment. If the story is done, the time has come to send it out to people who are not my friends, from whom honesty is not so easy to accept. I have several writing goals this year. Among them is actually submitting my work. I don’t

In my once upon a time, I wore a veil cloaked myself from dangers handed down, family history. Swaddled in soft cloth, layers upon layers my spirit- winterized. This behavior snowballed beyond its season. You can’t winterize yourself against Summer’s sun. Smoked out, nature-burnt the layers peeled away without guilt and I lay swathed not in madness. The veil: a metaphor of humility, protection, of freedom. But I was never free as the day I threw my veil in the sun, cast off my history and staked claim to a

I am inhabiting my writer self these days. It feels like slipping under warm blankets at the end of a cold day. I had forgotten the spread of it, the cascade effect, how if you love writing it is better than chocolate and it begets more writing. Some may imagine themselves awash in a sea of money. I prefer the heavenly float of words on paper, and that feeling of trying and continuing even when you have no specific place you are going. You simply go.   ***   If

In what could only be the result of an influx of new mother hormones, I grew overwhelmed by my internet presence (admittedly not that great) and pulled back hard on all the strands of myself. I might have made another choice. Instead, I deleted the entire content of this blog. Fortunately, I still have access to the blog posts through wayback. I still have what I wrote of “The Docks”. I wish it was still here in the files of this site, if offline. People, you have to talk me

Welcome to The Honeyed Quill (formerly The Spire), home to the writing of Shawna Ayoub Ainslie. Shawna received an MFA in Creative Writing from Indiana University with a Fiction thesis on the Lebanese Civil War and resulting Lebanese-American diaspora. Her writing has appeared in Grist Online, Arab Comment, Racialicious, Medium: The Archipelago and was selected by Amy Gigi Alexander for the Stories of Good essay series. Shawna’s work addresses themes of race, place, abuse, mental health, parenting, faith, science fiction and fantasy. In addition to writing, Shawna undertakes unrealistic crochet projects, crafts

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