Possible triggers: scars, body horror, disordered eating and poor medical care

The body remembers.

These last two months have been filled with me running a body-memory obstacle course. I have struggled with depersonalization, derealization, disordered eating and body horror. My conscious forgets all that I have been through, but my body reminds me at every anniversary.

Almost four years ago I had a tumor removed from my left orbital bone. I woke up to my own voice crying for my three-month-old daughter. She was placed in my arms briefly. My voice turned back to saying “ow, ow, ow.”

Two years ago at this time, I went through a series of surgeries after an outpatient procedure resulted in a near-death experience. The result is a set of scars I am still accepting. I’ve written a bit about the scars and my sense of betrayal. There is much more to say, many layers I can’t yet access. At some point that will show up in my writing. For now, here is a video I recorded awhile back where I recounted the story of fighting death.

In what ways have you fought to stay alive?

This post is Day 5 of the 30 Day #LinkYourLife Challenge. To participate, find the challenge prompts here.

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